i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
