last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
