wrigley field is MILF paradise
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
