We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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