only if we run a train.
done.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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