so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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