I puked a lego.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
