Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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