oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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