If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
