I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
