guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
