And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
