If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
