i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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