dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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