he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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