Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
