I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
