So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
