We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
