So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
