My first STD was from a foam party
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
