So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
