Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
