I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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