Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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