I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
