there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
