Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
