There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
