We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
