1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's Friday. Sex?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
