Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
