She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
being pregnant is like rehab
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
