My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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