census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
