just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
