If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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