how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
