So drunk its hurt
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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