He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
whose parrot is this?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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