glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
