i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
