Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
