Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
