There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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