Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
