I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
