??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But break dance skills will only take you so far
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
