R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
