He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
