Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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